Great Fishing Jokes
Who doesn’t like a joke? We found a few for you here, some good…and some not so good. Finding good fishing jokes is no easy task, as you are about to find out below. So let’s get started.
“Three Men And A Baby”
What you get when four men go fishing and one comes back not catching anything!
I think the only reason my husband likes to go fishing so much is that it’s the only time he hears someone tell him, “Wow, that’s a big one!”
Q. Which fish can perform operations?
A. A Sturgeon!
A couple goes on vacation to a fishing resort in northern Minnesota. The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read.
One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a short nap. Although she isn’t familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat.
She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues to read her book. Along comes the game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside her and says,”Good morning, Ma’am, what are you doing?”
“Reading my book,” she replies, thinking isn’t that obvious?
“You’re in a restricted fishing area,” he informs her.
“But officer, I’m not fishing. Can’t you see that?”
“Yes, but you have all the equipment. I’ll have to take you in and write you up.”
“If you do that, I’ll have to charge you with rape,” says the woman.
“But I haven’t even touched you,” says the game warden.
“That’s true, but you do have all the equipment.”
MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads.
Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, “Excuse me, ladies, I’d like to see your fishing licenses.”
“We don’t have any.” replied the first blonde.
“Well, if you are going to fish, you need fishing licenses.” said the Game Warden.
“But officer,” replied the second blonde,”we aren’t fishing. All we have are magnets at the end of our lines and we’re collecting debris off the bottom of the river.”
The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. “Well, I know of no law against it,” said the Game Warden, “take all the debris you want.” And with that, the Game Warden left.
As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. “What a dumb Fish Cop,” the second blonde said to the other two, “doesn’t he know that there is steelhead in this river?!”
“What’s the biggest fish you ever caught?”
“That would be the one that measured fourteen inches….”
“That’s not so big!”
“Between the eyes?”
One day a rather inebriated ice fisherman drilled a hole in the ice and peered into the hole and a loud voice said, “There are no fish down there.”
He walked several yards away and drilled another hole and peered into the hole and again the voice said, “There’s no fish down there.”
He then walked about 50 yards away and drilled another hole and again the voice said, “There’s no fish down there.”
He looked up into the sky and asked, “God, is that you?”
“No, you idiot,” the voice said, “it’s the rink manager.”
No one in this town could catch any fish except this one man
The game warden asked him how he did it so the man told the game warden that he would take him fishing the next day…
Once they got to the middle of the lake the man took out a stick of dynamite, lit it, and threw it in the water. After the explosion fish started floating to the top of the water. The man took out a net and started picking up the fish.
The game warden told him that this was illegal. The man took out another stick of dynamite and lit it. He then handed it to the game warden and said: ” are you going to fish or talk?”
Heard the one about the three blondes that went ice fishing and didn’t catch anything?
By the time they cut a hole big enough for the boat to fit in it was time to go home.
One day, two guys Joe and Bob were out fishing. A funeral service passes over the bridge they’re fishing by, and Bob takes off his hat and puts it over his heart. He does this until the funeral service passes by.
Joe then said, “Gee Bob, I didn’t know you had it in you!”
Bob then replies ” It’s the least I could do. After all, I was married to her for 30 years.”
Give a man a fish and feed him for a day.
Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
A woman goes into a shop to buy a rod and reel as a gift
She doesn’t know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter where there’s a shop assistant wearing dark shades. “Excuse me sir” she says “can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?”
The assistant replies “Ma’am I’m blind but if you drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes.”
She didn’t believe him but dropped it on the counter anyway.
He said, “That’s a 6′ graphite rod with a Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line…It’s a good all around rod and reel and it’s only $20.00”.
The lady said, “It’s amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it’s what I’m looking for so I’ll take it.”
He walks behind the counter to the register, and in the meantime, the woman breaks wind big-time. At first, she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her…being blind he wouldn’t know that she was the only person around.
The assistant rings up the sale and says, “That will be $25.50.”
She says, “But didn’t you say it was $20.00?”
“Yes ma’am, the rod and reel are $20.00, but the duck call is $3.00, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50.”
Q. Where does a fish keep his money
A. In the River Bank!
Two guys are talking about fishing. One says to the other, “I am NEVER going to take my wife fishing with me, ever again!”
“That bad, huh”
“She did everything wrong! She did everything wrong! She talked too much, made the boat rock constantly, tried to stand up in the boat, baited the hook wrong, used the wrong lures and WORST of all she caught more fish than me!”
What do you call a deaf fishing boat captain?
Anything you like, he can’t hear you.
The manager of a small business and his secretary decided to go over to her place for some “gymnastics”. Afterward, they both fall asleep.
When the manager wakes up and looks at his watch, he discovers that it is after 8 o’clock in the evening.
He jumps up in a panic wondering what he’s going to say to his wife. He tells the secretary to quickly take his shoes out into the yard and rub them around in the grass. Then he finishes dressing and goes home.
When the man opens the door to the house, his wife is standing in the doorway fuming and asks him where the hell he’s been until 8:30 in the evening?
The man calmly replies that he and his secretary are having an affair and that they had fallen asleep after going to her place this afternoon.
His wife looked at him very carefully and when she saw the state of his shoes, she exclaimed: “You liar, you’ve been FISHING!”